how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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