hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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