Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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