I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
