shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
