Well apparently he's into motor boating.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
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