is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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