Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
