You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
