The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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