he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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