I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
