i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
