I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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