in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
