About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's not cheating when I paid for it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
