every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm like, not good at living.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
