oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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