hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
