I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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