you would pick up someone in the library
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
