I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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