someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
