Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
