I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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