Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
