I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
