ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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