he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
