I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
