Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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