Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
