you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
