I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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