thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
