The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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