Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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