Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
