dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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