I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
