So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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