and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
