My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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