we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
