I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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