Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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