She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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