Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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