I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
