$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
