I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
