I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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