my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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