not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
